So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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