dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
