Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
