Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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