hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
