I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
