i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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