We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
