Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
