Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
