you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
