so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
