Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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