dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
