So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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