you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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