Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
