i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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