If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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