that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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