You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
