I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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