so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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