We're facebook friends in real life
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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