I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
