If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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