Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
