I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
