the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
