im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
