the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
