At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
