and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
