Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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