Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
