I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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