is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
