i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
