you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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