So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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