I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
