I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
