I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
