You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
