i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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