He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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