he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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