Just cropdusted the office
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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