I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
