We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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