The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
