I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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