apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
