I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
