I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
