I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
