I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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