I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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