So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
