New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
