doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
