I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
