We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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