she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
