1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
