There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you had me at cake vodka
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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