So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
