this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize